


Finding a way

by SamuraiGrl89



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-25
Updated: 2017-07-25
Packaged: 2018-12-06 20:39:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11608512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SamuraiGrl89/pseuds/SamuraiGrl89
Summary: Team Free Will is devastated by the loss of Castiel and Mary, but for the newest member, the worst news was discovering Crowley had killed himself. With the others searching for a way to bring Castiel and Mary back home, she secretly searches for a way to bring her demon friend home. Rating will probably change as the story progresses. First Person POV (OFC)





	Finding a way

**Author's Note:**

> This is a re-write of "He'll Never Know." I didn't really like how it came out and I kept wanting to continue it so I made some changes. Hope you enjoy!

It had been two weeks since everyone left, two miserable weeks. Alone. In the bunker. Sure the first few days had been great, listening to my own music on blast, taking advantage of using the training room without feeling self-conscious. Being able to cook and actually have left overs. It felt like heaven. But by the fourth day, I was going a bit stir crazy. I knew that I didn’t  _ have _ to stay in the bunker, but I made a promise to Dean to keep safe and he seemed to think I have a talent for finding trouble.

So I tried to keep busy. Being new to this hunter business meant I had a lot of things to learn. Researching was easy for me. I loved learning and would often research new facts even before I had fallen into this work. The hard part was the training. For the last 5 months, I was trying and often failing, to catch up to Sam and Dean’s level. Granted I had never done much as far as working out aside from running once a week. Dean was, and at times still seems, reluctant to let I stay with them after they saved me on New Year’s Eve. But Sam vouched for I and I didn’t want to let him down. Which is why I stayed when Dean said: “Stay.” 

I let out a sigh as I turned the page of a random book I had come across on the table. But I had stopped focusing on what I was reading long ago, as my eyes kept shifting over to my cell phone that lay off to my right. Leaning back in the wooden chair, I let my head fall back and stared up at the ceiling.

“What the hell guys? Just call me back...or something.”

I dug the palms of my hands into my eyes. I knew they were on an important case. Had been told about the risks and dangers, so understandably I was worried. What bothered me the most was realizing how much I worried, how much I missed them. Sam, Dean, Mary. Castiel, even though the Angel hadn’t been around much. Then there was Crowley.

The name sent a shiver down my spine. There was someone I never thought I would miss or get along with for that matter.

_ January 30, 2017 _

_ I was sitting at the long table surrounded by books when a voice startled me.  _

_ “Alright! I’ll bloody help if it will get you to stop with the annoying texts...You’re not the angel.” _

_ The bearded man’s eyes widened in confusion before quickly looking around. I quickly jumped to my feet as he turned his attention back to me, one brow cocked.   _

_ “Who am I and where’s the giraffe?” _

_ "Who?...I...How did you get in here? Sam and Dean are the only ones with the key.” I asked as I slowly backed away. _

_ As if a light bulb went off in the Brit’s head, he smirked. _

_ “You must be new. Crowley’s the name. And you are?” _

_ He took as step closer and I took a step back. _

_ “How did you get in here?” _

_ He smirked again. “Well see, it would be polite if you answered my question, seeing as how I answered yours.” _

_ I swallowed and took a quick glance at the exit. _

_ “You could run, darling. But you won’t get far and while this game of cat and mouse is amusing, I’m in a rush.” I spun on my heels and started to run down the hall when the man continued. “Unless...You want Sam and Dean to stay locked away for...oh, well the rest of their lives.” _

_ My eyes widened and I stopped mid step. Turning back, the man gave a knowing smile as he gestured to the seat I had left not moments ago. _

_ “Now. Do I get a name? Or should I just call I Mouse?” _

_ “It’s Roxie.” _

It ended up being Castiel and Mary who saved Sam and Dean. But after that first meeting, we had formed an acquaintance was formed between me and the King of Hell. 

At first, he would offer a nod of acknowledgment to me whenever the boys needed something from him. Then randomly he would stop by when he was bored of Hell or happen to pop into the bunker when the boys were on a hunt. He would offer me a drink, I would decline and then I would ask him about demon stuff.  For the next month that was sort of the routine. But I rarely answered his questions, at least the personal ones. I wasn’t stupid despite how charming he would try to come off. But that all changed when I found out what happened to my parents.

To say it was a bad day was an understatement. I wanted to die that day. In a matter of minutes, I found out what really happened to my parents and nearly lost the closest thing I had to family. Which was why Crowley found me in a bar, drunk and hoping to drown my sorrows until I felt nothing else. Instead of teasing me or leaving me, he stayed. Stayed the whole night and when I woke up. I thought I had dreamt it had it not been for the glass of water, two tablets and a note that read:

_ “Take these when you wake up, it’ll get rid of the hangover. - C” _

He came by more often after that, either late at night or when the boys were away. A few times he even vented to me about Hell, or how the boys would use him. Even vent about his mother. While it seemed very unlikely that one would consider the King of Hell their friend, I hoped that was what the two of us had become. Even if it was in secret. If I were really honest with myself, I would say I had fallen for a demon. But that’s if actually were being honest with myself.

Luckily the sound of the bunker door opening jostled me out of my thoughts. With no hesitation, I thrust the chair back and raced to greet everyone, but the joy inside died upon seeing Sam and Dean descending down the spiral staircase. Their footsteps were heavy and shoulders slumped. Dean reached the bottom first.

“Where’s Castiel and your mom?”

I immediately regretted the question when Dean’s eyes met mine. I shifted my gaze to Sam who just shook his head. Dean walked past with a pat on my shoulder, grabbed the liquor from the liquor counter and made his way towards his room.

I bit my lip as I looked up at Sam.

“What happened?”

With a heavy sigh, Sam slid into one of the chairs. I took the seat across the table from him.

“We uh...we lost Cas..”

“What?! How??”

Sam took a slow shaky breath and caught me up on what had happened since they left after their hearing Crowley’s plan. How they tracked Castiel and Kelly down, how they went to an alternate world where the boys were never born, met alternate Bobby. Each detail made my heart pound in my chest. By the time he told me how Castiel died and how Mary got trapped in an alternate universe, Sam was crying while I was struggling to hold back from doing the same.

Reaching out, I took his hand and squeezed. A small sniff and curt nod were my only response.

“I’ll help I guys find her and find a way to get Cas back.”

“Thanks, Roxie.”

Slowly Sam rose from his seat and dragged his feet towards the direction of his room.

“Hey, Sam?”

Sam turned around.

“What about Crowley? I mean, he made it out too right?”

I could only pray that my voice came off as nonchalant rather than hopeful.

“No. The spell needed a life to be completed, so he...he took his own. Guess the time being a rat really did change him.”

“Oh.” Was all I could say.

“I’m going to go see how Dean is, okay?”

I slowly nodded as he walked away. My body felt numb and yet the pain in my chest lingered. I wanted to run, I wanted to scream, cry and suddenly I was moving. My legs carried me to the training room, right up to one of the punching bags. With a loud cry, I threw an elbow into the bag. Each punch I cried louder, tears streaming down my cheeks.

I don’t know how long I was there for before a pair of hands pulled I away and into a tight embrace.

“No! It’s a lie. Please tell me it’s a lie.” I sob into the firm chest. “He’s can’t be gone. Please! Please tell me Crowley’s not gone! I can’t lose him. Please!”

“Dean?”

"I got her Sammy,” Dean said as he laid his head upon mine.

I clung to his shirt as I begged and pleaded with the older man. The two of us stayed like that till my tears ran dry and my sobs turned to small hiccups.

“So you and Crowley?” Sam asked rubbing my back.

A bubble of a laugh escaped from I that quickly turned into a small sob. I shook my head.

“We were just friends…”

_ But I loved him and now I’ll never get to tell him that. _

**Author's Note:**

> So I hope I guys liked the re-write. I know it's pretty vague right now, but more will be revealed in the next chapters! I'm sorry, I couldn't leave Crowley dead because, no! I refuse! So let me know what you all think while I come up with a way to bring him back. If anyone has any ideas as well, comment below. ^_^ Cheers!


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